Healing is not about fixing. Healing is about feeling it all.
In this blog post I discuss things that you can start doing to heal.
For the longest in my life, I have been resisting feelings. First off, people in my family had been shamed and belittled in front of me (as a kid) for being too sensitive or expressing their feelings. So, very early I developed a hard shell, because I didn’t want the same to happen to me.
I became a “good” shy girl, because that way I could fit in. I barely showed my suffering to my parents when some hard experiences were hitting our family.
That is programming.
How is your programming around feelings and expressing them? What have you witnessed and experienced during your childhood? How were your parents processing their own hard feelings and emotions? How did they react when you were going through difficult emotions and painful experiences?
What is programming?
Your brain and body have been programmed in several layers: your ancestry and childhood experiences. As a baby, child and teenager, you have lived through some painful experiences that you may not have understood. Your little brain wasn’t fully mature, your emotional intelligence depended a lot on how adults around you reacted to situations.
A program is a set of beliefs about how you relate to others and situations. At this point in your life, you may or may not be conscious about them.
An emotion is a movement within your body/mind system that occurs in reaction to an external event that is usually painful or joyful. An emotion is created by your body and mind in reaction to a current situation with the filter of your programming.
What happens when the emotions cannot move? Because of having established beliefs around hard feelings and emotions that makes a particular emotion not acceptable or that prevent you from accepting to feel your feelings, you may unconsciously block your emotions. You then resist the emotions and hard feelings: your body unconsciously block the movement of the emotion. This is also called resistance.
Your body holds the knowledge of all your past emotions. All the emotions that you have felt since you were conceived but did not process are stuck in your body somewhere. Some of them may have deeper roots in your ancestry and in your past lives, though the inner child must be addressed first. The emotions you have been resisting your entire life subconsciously become stuck energy: body pain, disease, injury, anxiety, stress, insomnia, medical condition, addictions, allergies, eating disorders, anger, guilt, shame, overwhelm, nervous reactions, etc
Disclaimer: This is my vision; you may suffer from these conditions and ailments and may feel that it is not related to your emotions. Please listen to yourself. I am not trying to convince you here.
“Your emotions make you human. Even the unpleasant ones have a purpose. Don't lock them away. If you ignore them, they just get louder and angrier.”
― Sabaa Tahir
One day you realize you can make conscious choices and reclaim your power
In my thirties, I suddenly realized that I could be more conscious about my choices, about how I lived my outer and inner life. The rule I have been living by for year is “If you want changes in your outer life, look at changing your inner life.”
It all starts with a decision. It is all you need. A decision that you start looking at the blocks and resistance within you and initiate a movement of acceptance and non-resistance.
Conscious choice: acceptance – non-resistance
When you start accepting, really accepting at deep level the hard feelings and strong emotions, you let their energy freely circulate. What you were resisting will actually free you. When you release the resistance, the truth and true feelings can circulate, you will unlock some past hurt.
From being your own enemy to being your best ally
Get to know the parts of you that you were suppressing, because this is also you; here is how I have been doing it:
Identify the “problematic” parts of you: these could be emotions or behaviours that are repetitive and you have noticed them and are ready to “release” them but you don’t know how to.
Stop judging the “bad” and “undesirable” parts of you (shame, guilt, eating disorder, insomnia…); learn to identify and retract your judgments towards others. (when you judge others, you actually judge yourself).
Start the conversation with these parts of you – how is this part of you feeling? what does she need? Give them names and have full conversations with them.
Open space for these parts of you, for the hurt and burden they are carrying. Let the pain or the undesirable feelings circulate in your body.
Validate all the hurtful feelings, validate all the resistance, any parts of you who protests, validate their hard feelings and pain.
Accept that you are a complex multi-faceted being, work on giving yourself forgiveness and grace. There is nothing wrong with you. You are only a perfectly imperfect human being. Surrender to your faults, your dark side and make the decision to get inspired to bring more light within you.
Accept that you can’t change people or situations (past or present) that are outside of your control, but you can change your mindset towards these situations.
I am soon launching a coaching programme to support this specific healing process through feeling it all! Can’t wait to reveal it and support you in your processes.